Tonight I feel powerless and alone. I have no money, not a single dollar to my name. I have no food. I owe money to everyone. They will never get it back. Goodnight.
This is really embarrassing.
I came home for the summer to work and save money, so that I could return to New York in the fall to finish school and hopefully have a happy life.
But finding a job has been complicated, and I haven’t been able to make/save all that much money. And the summer is almost up.
So while I’m still applying everywhere I can think to apply, I’m aware that time is slipping away, and if I don’t have enough money to show by the end of the summer (read: mid to late August) a return to NY won’t be so feasible.
Which is bad news for me!
So, if you can help in any way (and I mean any way - change is fine), I will be more than grateful.
The money will be used to…
A.) Get my ass back to the city, via Greyhound Bus.
B.) Cover two or three month’s of transportation costs once I’m in the city.
C.) Make it a little easier for me to put down for a place once I’m there. I’m going to be a little homeless for the first month or so, staying with friends and couch surfing. Some of this money will go towards those friends, as a thank you for letting me sleep in their bathroom, and the rest will go towards securing a more permanent place.
I have some job interviews lining up for the fall in New York, and I’m sure one of those will come together and set me on a more financially sound path. But between then and now, something needs to come together.
My first year in New York was a life changing experience, and heading back in the Fall to complete school will of course go a long way in setting me on a path to achieving my dream of becoming the theatre artist I want to be. It’s the city I need to be in.
I don’t know how I might be able to pay you back, but know that I’ll find a way, even if the paying back is a long way off.
01. The Next Day 3:51
02. Dirty Boys 2:58
03. The Stars (Are Out Tonight) 3:56
04. Love Is Lost 3:57
05. Where Are We Now? 4:08
06. Valentine’s Day 3:01
07. If You Can See Me 3:16
08. I’d Rather Be High 3:53
09. Boss Of Me 4:09
10. Dancing Out In Space 3:24
11. How Does The Grass Grow 4:33
12. (You Will) Set The World On Fire 3:30
13. You Feel So Lonely You Could Die 4:41
14. Heat 4:25
15. So She 2:31
16. Plan 2:34
17. I’ll Take You There 2:44
- Luke: Luke, what is wrong with you?
- Luke: What do you mean?
- Luke: You say terrible things to people you love. You do it all the time, too. You said mean things to ____ ___, and to ___, and _______, and you said some really horrible things to ________.
- Luke: I was angry. When I'm upset, I say things I don't mean.
- Luke: You must have meant them a little bit, or you wouldn't have said them.
- Luke: I did mean them a little bit, but only for a second. I was angry - I was irrational. If I had thought about what I said before I said it, I wouldn't have said those things. I would thought better of those situations, of those people - I would thought of them as they really are. I wouldn't have been so sensitive.
- Luke: You say these people matter more than anything to you - how could you be that reckless? Why do you think you can do those things and still be trusted by them?
- Luke: I don't know. I love my friends, and I don't have many. And I can be irrational, and insane, but I do love them. I would be lost without Brendan, and Ben, and Mckenzie, and others too. They changed my life. I want to be the best friend that I can be to them.
- Luke: Then why don't you sack up and not be such a monster? What good are you to them if you attack them for little things, or feel slighted by little things, or obsess about little things? Why can't you respect boundaries, and not overreact, and for god's fucking sake THINK BEFORE YOU REACT?
- Luke: Because I'm human. But I try so hard. And I will always try, because friends are few and far between, and true ones, real ones, are so very rare - and the only thing I want to be is a guardian of their solitude.
- Luke: I'm glad we talked about this.
- Luke: Me too.
- Luke: Do you want to be the big spoon tonight?
- Luke: No, I'll be the little spoon.